Oh the curves of life's journey

I was talking with a friend this weekend who likes to call me honey... lol about my past relationship. I got a little sad when talking to him about it because I realized that no matter how over something you can be the past can always still hurt. We were talking about proposals and a little about my first one when I realized that that fact made me sad. My whole life I have only wanted there to be one. I have only wanted to plan one wedding. To truly love one guy. To think about spending the rest of my life with one person.

I was reminded that I will one day have to tell my future husband that there was one guy that I planned all that with that before him. I hate that because I feel as though it's taking something away from my future husband. I know that the past is the past and there's nothing I can do about it. I am beyond glad that I didn't get married that I didn't end up living a life that would have been miserable. but it breaks my heart that one day I'm going to have to tell my future spouse that there was someone before him. It might sound crazy but it really does break my heart. I want my future to be special and I want all the firsts back. I hate telling people or talking about the past. Not really because I feel embarrassed that I have already been engaged, but I just feel as though it won't be as special because I have already been through the proposal, the engagement, the wedding planning, and other things.

I know this blog might be a little silly but it was on my mind after talking to my friend about it.